Sonali's whole house was spick and span and the living room was decorated tastefully. It was her first wedding anniversary. The guests were about to come and Sonali was in her room getting ready for the small get-together. She wrapped the five metre Kanjeevaram sari around her. She sat in front of the mirror of her dressing table and looked thoughtfully at her hair.

 

“What should I do with my hair? Oh God! It is so poker straight. It falls so flatly around my face,” she complained. “Why doesn't Ma allow me to cut my hair short and get it permed? Before my wedding I looked so smart with short, permed hair. In that hair style I looked five years younger,” she said to herself. She held her hair in a topknot and, examining herself in the mirror, said disapprovingly, “It makes me look like an aunt.” Combing her hair again, she plaited it. “Do I exist in the 1970s? How outdated I look!” she grumbled undoing the plait. She then tied her hair into a ponytail with a clip. “Ma is a doctor and has worked all her life. Why does she not allow me to wear my hair in the manner that suits me?” she sighed in despair.

 

She sat there stroking the intricate work on her blue sari. “My blue salwar kameez, bought with my first salary, must still be hanging in my wardrobe at my mummy's place. Why am I supposed to wear sari and only sari all through the year? It was so difficult to manage the sari in the summer, especially during the last pregnancy months. I had grown so big and was so breathless and above all the sari made me feel so clumsy,” she rued.

 

Sonali was very good at studies and after completing her M.B.A. she had joined a company in Mumbai as an Executive. She had stayed in a girls' hostel and enjoyed her independent status. Her future in her career was also very bright. “Why did I quit my job? Why did I leave Mumbai and settle in Lucknow?” she wondered.

 

She had said to Siddhartha, “I cannot live away from you. Nothing is as precious to me as being with you.”

 

“But I ring you up almost daily. Besides you too ring me quite regularly. What is the point in leaving your job without any reason? You continue with your job till we get married,” Siddhartha had pleaded her.

 

But Sonali knew she would never be able to marry him if she was out of his sight. She was already 27. As a teenager she had planned that she would marry at 28 after enjoying independence for some time. She had observed that simplicity and reliability, two very important qualities of a good husband, were present in Siddhartha. Besides he was a promising surgeon, the only son of medico parents. His parents had a big bungalow, a car and were well-respected in Lucknow.

 

She confessed to herself, “It was not my heart but my head that had prompted me to quit my job in Mumbai. I believed in 'no risk no gain'. I had taken a risk and pawned my job for Siddhartha. I had thought that after my wedding I would again look for a good job, and with my credentials I thought I would get one soon. I wanted to possess both -- a happy personal life and a successful career. I had seen many career-oriented spinsters and had learnt a lesson from their lives. I could not sacrifice my personal life for the sake of a job. With correct timing, I would rather enjoy both.”

 

Outside the room, people were busy preparing for the get-together. She could hear her mother-in-law laying the table and arranging the plates. She knew she should be there helping her, but she was in no mood to go out. Everybody called her mother-in-law a gem of a person. She had thought that one day she would be able to convince her mother-in-law to change her mind and allow her to work. But would she ever change?

 

Her mother-in-law had been totally against Siddhartha marrying Sonali -- initially because Sonali was a non-medico. She had wanted her daughter-in-law to be a doctor so she could open a nursing home. As Sonali was her son's choice, she had brought herself to accept even a non-medico. However, she went against the match when she came to know that Sonali and Siddhartha had met for the first time when he had come to visit Sonali as a doctor. To her mother-in-law, it was against ethics for a doctor to marry his patient. She was very angry with Siddhartha that he had violated the medical ethics -- his behaviour was simply unprofessional.

 

Actually Siddhartha was initially Sonali's grandmother's doctor. Whenever the old lady suffered from high blood pressure, Sonali's mother would call him. Sonali's mother knew he was a bachelor and slowly found out about his family, habits, behaviour, temperament, etc. After she found out that he was quite a suitable match for Sonali, he was called in to attend to Sonali when she was slightly sick. Sonali was strong enough to visit the doctor in his clinic but on the pretext of serious illness, she requested him to visit their home. Sonali's illness prolonged and so did his visits. Later he stopped charging for his visits and dropped in whenever he was just passing by.

 

Sonali wondered again why her mother-in-law set so much store by her traditional values? She had taken one whole year to give her consent to their marriage and Sonali had been jobless for more than a year. Her mother-in-law had laid down so many conditions before giving her consent and Sonali, like a docile girl, had agreed to everything -- she would live according to her mother-in-law's values and customs; she wouldn't work because her job involved working for odd hours. If needed, she would do a B. Ed. and work as a teacher; she would be a caring wife, a responsible mother; she would always wear saris and grow her hair… and what not. How confident she had been that once she became her daughter-in-law, she would gradually win her mother-in-law over to her way of life.

 

One year had since passed. She had kept her word. She wore only saris (not in her mother's house though), she cooked all the traditional courses of food, she had grown her hair (except for a trimming which she got done when she went to her mother's place). Now her mother-in-law said that she should be a good mother. Did it mean that she should be jobless for another five years? Where would she stand in the job market after being jobless for such a long time? She certainly couldn't do her B. Ed. and become a teacher. She had agreed to it because there had been no other way at that time. Why did her mother-in-law not spend her time playing with her grandson and allow Sonali to live her own life?

 

Sonali wished she could make everybody happy and have a good career too. Why did Siddhartha not help her in convincing his mother to allow her to work? He was such a mamma's boy. But -- had he not convinced his mother and married her? They had waited for a whole year for her consent.

 

Sonali was reluctant to go and join the others; she remained seated there in front of the mirror. All of a sudden her face brightened with an idea, “I am yet to receive my anniversary gift. Siddhartha told me he would love to give me a gift of my choice. Cannot my anniversary gift be 'a permission to work'?”